her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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