i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
