New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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