I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
