we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
