i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
