he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
