No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
