it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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