You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
