he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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