dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm both gender and math confused
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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