i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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