Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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