Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
two words...techno handjob
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
