the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
