Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
