I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
