This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
