How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
