He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
