she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
