what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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