why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
