had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
