So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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