the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
