The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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