So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
