Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
