the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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