I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
