Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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