fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
