now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
