She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
