Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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