i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
birth control should be required to get into college
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
