Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
