her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
