Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize