idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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