Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
