fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
