I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
