That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
