How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
