I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
