I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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