I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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