Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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