hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
