I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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