I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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