There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
