im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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