cat food counts as protein by the way
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
false alarm, still single
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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