U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
