was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
