it hurts more in the daytime
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
