end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
