They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
