In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
