i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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