ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
