DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
