Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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