I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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