It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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