i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
