After last night, I could never be a politician.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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