you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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