The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
