Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
